It's February of 2007. The Ellgards (mutual friends) are returning home from
their trip to the Orient. Hmmm… why not get them something tasty to have
upon their arrival. I text 'her' and ask if she has any thoughts. We agree to get
together. The decision is made to pick them up a cake. For convenience sake,
we meet at a 7-11 across the street from my place to iron out more details.

A vehicle pulls up. She gets out and deftly manages to steal away my safe,
quiet life. Ironically, she is oblivious to the 'theft'.

Her presence rivets me fully. My resolve slightly weakens as she walks towards
me.

She stops just a couple of feet away. The summer breeze dances with her hair
and it swings about loose and free... intoxicating me. It playfully shimmers
amidst the dark hues of a barely lit sky. The moonlight bathes and caresses it
with lush strokes of oily, black light. She gazes far into my eyes. A smile as
sweet and delicious as a single ripe strawberry lightly brushes up next to me.

Fascination fills the air.

Breathe. I must breathe.

We talk about the cake. About her day. I can barely remember the exact words.

And then it happens.


Time winks.


In a flash, I 'know' that her inner being is about to unfold before my eyes. You
know... the 'sacred' part of ourselves that each of us anxiously conceals from
others. We hope no one discovers it... rather, discovers who we really are.
Ironically, we then agonize and wrestle whether to open up to that 'one special
someone'.

Is my intuition right... is she about to give me a glimpse of her interior world?
The thought unnerves and intrigues me. I now see a faint mist clouding her
crisp, chocolate speckled eyes.

She takes a step closer. As do I.

Distractions mute. A silence envelopes.

Then I see that which lay hidden: the immense fortress walls that guard her.
Immediately, it hits me that I am being invited to scale them.

That is not the best way to put it. She is not simply inviting me... she is
impelling me... to overcome this formidable hurdle... and to behold her... for
the woman she is and for the one she is becoming.

Her mouth ignites a whisper that etches my name. It flutters wistfully upon the
air before faintly echoing off of the walls. In the mere blink of an eye I
desperately try to soak in the exceeding clarity of the moment. It is a futile
endeavor.

My resolve is adamant. My confidence sure.

I wake my courage and pull myself up the wall. The surface is very rough and
sharp to the touch. It absorbs almost all the light striking it making it is nearly
impossible to see... except to a listening or discerning eye perhaps.

Though formidable in scope it appears to have been constructed quite
haphazardly. A closer look at it assails me with heady grief. This crag-like
defense is made up of thousands of dried tears... of the remains of hundreds of
incinerated dreams... and of a strange ash-based mortar that had been
saturated in pathos and rejection and utter dread. I continue climbing. After
much sustained effort and strain my hand finally grasps the top of the wall. Up
and over I leap.

My feet thump to the ground and I stand up tall. My tongue utters not a
syllable.

A hush.

This inner dwelling transfixes my full attention. It is fascinating and astonishing.
I remain motionless. But my knees start shaking and soon buckle. I fall to the
ground. Warm tears weave from my eyes and patter to the ground.

Her elusive mystery... fiercely stunning beauty... and resonate pain... and
hidden dreams... it all unfolds and so very much more… yet for only the very
briefest of moments. My mind feverishly stumbles to captures a snapshot.

Her face tenderly cups my nervous smile. Eye meets eye. Eye meets lips. I
freeze. My attention is wholly engaged by this startling vision of strength,
fragility and immeasurable loveliness. She literally radiates this electric, cool
green vibe. Paralysis clutches at my chest. My strength ebbs.
Keep breathing, you fool. Keep breathing.

My lips part and completely fill with an elixir. With the moment I believe.
Somehow I taste spirit (as absurd as it sounds). It is as if hope and loneliness
and a deep passion to belong have mixed. Staggering. Tears now stream from
my cheeks. The only thing I can do is let this growing sensation violently tremor
through my whole body... before eventually dissipating.

I say nothing. What dare I say? For what I've glimpsed is for my eyes only.

Another hush.



Tears.

Silence.

Belonging.
...
..
.



Time recedes and the moment simply is… no more.

Now I ask you: how can a single, precarious sliver of time resonate with such
pure, lucid vulnerability… only to simply… vanish?

I was there. It was real.

Sorrow now fills the air that I breathe. But to live I must breathe.